
I’ve become quite amused by the band Mason Proper lately. I must admit I enjoy watching the video for ‘Friendship’ more than most people should. Jonathan Visger pulls off a very Stephen Malkmus-Jarvis Cocker-Thespian style in the video as well. The band’s second album “Olly Oxen Free” is out September 23rd, and its a pretty safe bet to say its going to be beyond brilliant.
While on the Mason Proper site this morning, I also came across this funny little reading about the new record. Its ‘Survival Tips’ for the new record.
Just a reminder that next Tuesday, our second album “Olly Oxen Free” will be released to the wild, and it will be confused, hungry, and dangerous. If you encounter one, please remember these helpful survival tips:
1. Please do not make “Olly Oxen Free” noises or imitate an “Olly Oxen Free.” It will attack and kill you.
2. Do not pretend you are already dead or asleep. It will attack and kill you. An exception can be made if you are good enough at playing dead that you can appear to be only a skeleton. The “Olly Oxen Free” is not a bone-gnawer, so if you appear not to be made of meat and squishy things, it will pay you no mind.
3. Do not throw sticks or stones at the “Olly Oxen Free.” It will NOT break it’s bones. It will throw them back, only more accurately and with more force. ***NOTE*** It should go without saying, but please also remember that words can never hurt it. You are better off going with the sticks or stones.
4. Do not run, swim, fly, or teleport away. It can run, swim, fly, or teleport towards you faster than you can run, swim, fly, or teleport away.
5. Do not try to reason with the “Olly Oxen Free.” It is unreasonable. Also, do not try to offer it gifts or food. It is non-materialistic, with the slight exception being made for it’s strong interest in your meat or squishy things.
6. The best thing you can do if you are unlucky enough to encounter an “Olly Oxen Free” in the wild is to purchase it immediately, before it has a chance to pick up your smell and get it’s stomach enzymes churning.
7. The thing you can do that is better than the best thing you can do, is to:
PREORDER OLLY OXEN FREE FROM INSOUND.
You will receive a tame “Olly Oxen Free” in the mail, and any you encounter in the wild are much less likely to attack you if you are accompanied by it. You will also receive a limited-edition DVD of the “Shorthand EP,” which you can only get by preordering. Although the DVD will not help you in an encounter with an “Olly Oxen Free,” if you seek training you will be able to throw it at any rabid moths that may swoop down on you in the night, and drive them off.
-Forest Safety Commission
Genius! Check out Mason Proper on Myspace www.myspace.com/masonproper and at www.masonproper.com